The “biggest mistake of my life” was one of my favorite days.
Right after graduation, I started seeing Bryson. He was my first real boyfriend (because I don’t count middle school or month-long ‘relationships’). After spending nearly every day together for 3 months, he asked me to marry him and I said yes! I went downstairs to tell my brother and he told me I was making the biggest mistake of my life*. At the time I was pretty ticked. Looking back now, I don’t know how he was the only person who had the guts to say it outright.
So real quick, let me say this one more time.
I WAS NINETEEN YEARS OLD.
I WAS ENGAGED AFTER THREE MONTHS OF DATING.
Sorry for all the yelling, but I was a crazy kid! Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t change a single thing. I love my husband and I’m excited that I got to start life with him so soon! However, that doesn’t change the fact that if it was happening to someone else I knew and not me, I would be hardcore judging. (Yes, I am a terrible person. I’m working on it.)
So if you’re out there reading this and getting married young or soon, let me just share with you a few things that I learned along the way.
•Weddings are expensive as all get out. It’s a serious shame. Planning them is stressful and time consuming and they’re over so fast! So try to remember that in the end, it’s not going to matter what centerpieces you had or how bad the DJ was
even though he was really bad. It’s not going to matter that 2 bridesmaids dropped out and you don’t really talk with half the bridal party anymore. It’s not the day that matters. It’s not. I promise. It’s what the day brings!- a marriage. So when things go wrong, or everything is too expensive and you don’t get your “dream wedding”, get over it. Because honestly, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you and that person that you stood up there with are promising forever to one another.
•When you get married young, you find out who your friends are. It’s not necessarily going to be the ones you ask to stand up there with you, or the people that actually end up standing with you. It’s not going to be all those kids you invited to your wedding because you thought you were as important to them as they were to you (because, spoiler alert, you’re not). It’s going to be the people who make an effort. If it’s a genuine effort once every few months to catch up, or it’s emailing everyday back and forth at work because going a week without talking makes you miss them, you’ll recognize the people who are really going to be there if you need them (and even when you don’t know you need them). So that girl who started treating you differently after you got engaged? The one who’s mom was friendlier to you than she was when you saw them in the Wal-Mart parking lot? Don’t feel bad for not inviting her to the wedding. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life. Marriage is hard work, and you need people around you who are going to lift you up. So some may back off and some you may drop, but one way or another, you’ll find out who your true friends are.
•Marriage is HARD. Especially when you’re both young and still figuring life out. It’s nice, because you have someone to figure it out with. It’s also frustrating, because every family is different. Trying to mesh two totally different people into doing things one certain way is tough! We fought about how to fold the clothes, which drawer to designate for silverware, what holiday traditions to keep/mesh, how Bryson doesn’t know how to comfort me when I’m upset, etc. Some really silly stuff got blown way out of proportion (that’d be me, folks) and turned into yelling arguments. We tend to get past things fairly quickly which is helpful but it would still be best to not have argued at all. So, be considerate of each other when it comes to meshing your families, traditions and ideas.
While I would like to take up more of your time, that’s all I have for now. Comment if you have any life lessons you’ve learned from getting married quickly or young (or both!).
Until next time, fishes!
*I just want to make it clear that my brother came around to the idea of my getting married. His immediate reaction wasn’t great, but I can’t blame him. I was all consumed in my Disneyesque ending.